11:32 p.m. - Tuesday, Feb. 05, 2019
Open LDR
Vinnie made contact today. That made me happy. We talked whilst I journeyed home on the bus from work. Then I checked his Bumble profile and saw that he’d updated it (changing it back to English from Spanish). To be honest that stung because I really miss him and he’s only been back a day, completely worn out and already he’s thinking about his bext shag. I don’t even want to go for a drink with another guy right now. I’m emotionally worn out. Well that’s the difference between men and women. It’s a miracle we manage to have relationships. He does have a very high libido. I told him I’d seen his update and he said “yeah sorry, you should have sex whenever you want, as much as you possibly can in life. You need sex or life is gonna stink.”
I agree and I certainly don’t expect him to be celibate. It’s just so soon when I hoped he was missing me. I’m gonna wait for a skype conversation and see how I feel. I have definitely lost my head a bit and I don’t even know why. It’s the strangest thing. I think he’s such a stong personality I just got so intrigued.
So wtf, am I thinking? That I’m gonna have a long distance (with a 7 hour time difference) open relationship with a sex addict? Am I actually mad? I really need to sober up here. My problem is the more ridiculous and challenging the better. I never want a conventional relationship. It’s so dull. Or do I actually really want that? But I’m scared I can’t...
After my experience with married man though, this would be easy. I have developed incredible patience.
I’m almost 41, why would I want to fuck myself over so massively? I think I just want to experience everything in life. This would just be another rich emotional trip. It’s either something I should avoid or maybe I would learn from it.
The thing is, I don’t think I would be that jealous if he was having casual sex as long as we had enough intellectual and emotional intimacy. It would actually suit me too to have a ‘boyfriend’ in the background in terms of keeping men I might date or be friends with at arms length. There are a lot of positives to be had from an LDR, especially for me right now. I have so much to do.
Trouble is I have to ask myself what is the point? There has to be a future. It’s only worth it if I end up moving to Montreal for work which is two hours away. The way Brexit is going that is definitely an option. I am mad. Definitely. I know I’m gonna read this in a couple of months or less and Wtf??! What was I on? I do like to indulge myself in my fantasies. Really must control myself. But fukit, I’m a romantic dreamer. I probably deserve better than this though. Maybe it will wear off in a few days.
