9:52 a.m. - Sunday, Feb. 03, 2019
The Sting of a Fling
Vinnie is at the airport now. He messaged me saying he was sad to leave but his phone keeps going off so he can’t receive my messages. It’s doing my head in to be honest. I’m concerned at how much this has stung me. I was doing great before I met him and now I just feel floored. I didn’t even really fancy him. It was a romantic connection though. It takes a while for me to catch up with my intellectual self in relationships. Hell, I only knew him two days. I feel ridiculous. Now he’s on a 10 hour flight and I have no idea if he feels sad about me too. I feel like something changed in the last couple of days. I have to process this and forget about him. It’s just so exhausting. I think I must really want that connection with someone afterall. Fuck. It’s probably a life lesson. I guess I opened up to him a lot in those two days and I don’t normally do that. It’s feeling pretty raw. I just want to go back to last Thursday and swipe left on him. Dating apps just bring disruption to my life. Or that’s just life innit? You feel like you have everything in control and you know more or less how your life is going to be for the next 6 months at least and then boom! Some fucker shows up and opens your heart. You just become an emotional wreck and can’t get out of bed let alone paint. I had my routine working out, I was getting up at 5.30am and getting stuff done before work. I was tired but felt in control of my life. I need to get back into that. Starting today... tidy my studio and paint something. I guess I could paint something for Vinnie as an inspiration. Uff.
Ok he just texted back, he’s still on the ground. He said “we have whatsapp, skype and email.” So maybe we will keep in touch. I don’t really expect anything significant from this but I can’t deal with such an abrupt ending. If we try and Skype a few times maybe we will realise we’re not meant to be. I need closure. Ah, feel so much better now. What will be will be. So crazy though, not what I was expecting... to meet a funny little Chicagoan with a nasally voice who has to stand on tip toes to kiss me. Just goes to show I really don’t have a type. Which I am proud to say. I love his voice though, it’s so different. He does great impressions too, which is the way to my heart...
