9:56 p.m. - Saturday, Feb. 02, 2019
Heartbreak in the post
What is wrong with me? I can’t stop thinking about vinnie and I’m not going to see him again. He’s not coming back to Madrid and when I said I wanted to pull a sickie and go to Barcelona to see him he told me he wanted to focus on the museums, fair enough. We did talk on the phone one night which was great and he mentioned buying property in Spain to get a visa. All crazy talk but what the hell you haveto work through your fantasies. I think I’m feeling particularly stung because there is no closure with a holiday fling. We spent two days together and connected mentally and emotionally (not sexually though we did do it I wasn’t in the right head space) but we don’t really know each other and now we’re left with wondering what might have been. That can take longer to get over than the end of a long term relationship. I don’t know what to think. He might not feel the same. Now I’m left wondering if it’s just my usual over reaction to connecting with someone because it rarely happens. I haven’t felt this excitement and warmth towards someone since married man. Well, I was really excited about Daniel (almost exactly a year ago) but I knew that was just a silly ego boosting sexual relationship only. This feels deep and it scares me because I don’t really want to have strong feelings for someone who liveson another continent. So the best thing would be for him to tell me to forget about him. He said he would talk to me later, I have this feeling if dread about the whole thing because I am vulnerable. This has really taken me by surprise, I wasn’t even looking for romance. I want to focus on my career, but meeting him has made me realise how lonely I am.
