11:25 p.m. - Wednesday, Aug. 17, 2016
Misreading the signs
I messaged an old colleague today on Linkedin as I saw he was back in Europe at our old company. We had a brief exchange and he said I should come and visit. I would love to but I can't afford it and society says it would be strange to go and visit a married man I only knew for a brief time. We did get on really well though and he is one of the loveliest, smartest and kindest people I have ever met. Adorable but I didn't fancy him even if I was attracted to him. I do really fancy his profile pic though. It must be old because he looks a lot slimmer. He probably put on weight after he got married. He looks bloody gorgeous actually... Anyway, so then I got thinking about this exchange and the invite which mentioned that the company paid hotel was still great (sarcastic like) and read the messages over again. I wanted to check if he had said 'we' or 'I' in a line about a relocation to Europe from Asia. He said 'I might settle in...' Surely if you are married you would say we. I always struggle with these scenarios because I am not naive but I hate to presume and I don't believe all men just want to fuck me (I mean, The boy I know now seems to have no interest except for once in a blue moon. Very strange that boy... I think he is just so in love with himself). So either his marriage has fallen apart since I last saw him not that long ago or he has an open marriage or he's just being friendly and his wife is actually with him again in the hotel. I am not at all thinking about embarking on anything. I met his wife and she is really nice and cool, though I think me and him would make a better couple. Just kidding.
I mean, was he suggesting I visit him and stay in his hotel room? It's a bit odd isn't it? You wouldn't suggest a female ex colleague comes to visit when you are staying in a hotel if your wife is with you. What if I had said yes? That would be so awkward. Why risk it? Because we did get on so well and we are both attractive adults... he knows I am single. I might have said yes if I fancied him, I would read into it and read a come on and go jump on him. Men are so confusingly simple. But if there's one thing I should know by now, it's this: however nice and moral a man seems he is capable of all sorts when his dick is in charge. Quite a few boyfriends of girlfriends who no one would imagine would cheat have made a pass at me. It really does make me think that I can't fully trust any man. But that's fine, it's just the way it is. Better to be horny and cheat occassionally than have very little desire for anyone. That's just not sexy.
I just checked our message thread and he hasn't replied to my last message. If he was alone in his hotel I bet he would have responded by now. God, I don't even care, I just find it interesting how people inadvertantly or purposefully send signals and the recipient can either read into those signals or not. Thus different expectations and outcomes are formed. That is the way many relationships start and potential ones rejected.
