6:30 a.m. - Wednesday, Jun. 24, 2020
Life partner?
I can’t sleep. I woke up at 4am, too hot. I have to get out of Madrid this summer. I’ve been lying awake thinking a lot about the direction of my life and feeling neither here nor there. I want to belong somewhere. I’m so lonely. Luckily my old lodger Mike is returning from Tenerife for a few weeks. He’s gonna stay for here and his sister’s place. I’ve missed him so much, he feels like family. We really belly laugh together a lot.
A friend of mine O messaged me the other night. We’ve spent a night together before, after a friend’s wedding about a year and a half ago. I think he’s wanting something serious and I think I should think about that. He’s such a good person and fun and we have the same friends. He’s vegetarian, musical, caring and smart. Oh and tall. We’ve always had something there between us. It’s leaning more to the friendship side of a relationship but I think it’s close enough to a sexual thing that I shouldn’t discount it. He’s also got an Irish passport so he can come here easily. He said he wanted to run away with me somewhere hot. He also said he’d take care of me when I’m old. Bless him. I just don’t know if I’m good enough for him. But I think we could be very content together if I had some therapy and addressed my love of emotionally unavailable men.
I’m getting a bit scared that I’m messing my personal life up. I can’t bear to be alone now. It’s not so fun in your 40’s. Me and O are the last two single ones left in our friendship group. Twenty years I’ve known him, but actually only met him a few times because he lives in Burnley. We always had a good time together when he came to London to see my other mates. So maybe the wedding was the clincher, it finally got us together intimately. Something good should come of that day because the bride and groom are already separated.
