1:18 a.m. - Sunday, Jun. 21, 2020
date
My date last night was pleasant but I didn't find him sexy. That's important to me because otherwise I can just be friends with the guy. Friends is so much easier. I feel like unless I can't deal with the idea of not being the guy's girlfriend and that just being friends would do my head in, then I should just take the friendship. Why don't I find anyone sexy though? I'm too fussy? I think I need therapy. My date was singing the praises of his therapist. I definitely have some deeply buried issues. I can almost feel them bubbling up every now and then.
He was shorter than me, which I hate to be shallow, but I really think it does affect how attractive I find someone and that's just something I can't help. UNLESS they have an amazing sense of humour then that might swing it for me,
He was very quiet, maybe a bit nervous. It is nerve racking going on a date. I actually hate them but forcing myself to do it. I'm a bit lonely. He doesn't drink much either - he only wanted one beer and I gave him the weed I scored for him and he said he hadn't smoked for 5 years! Seems a bit delicate...I want a strong personality and a strong guy physically. I think I only like unavailable men. That's why I need the therapy.
Anyway we did discover a very good Japanese/sushi place and we had a fun chat on the street corner once I'd got stoned. He said I "was a very cool cat." I think he liked me. I'm gonna try and keep it friendly. This is the bit I hate, when they like me but I'm not interested in that way. I still haven't figured out how to navigate it. That's why I go for guys who end up rejecting me!
I matched with an abstract artist called Jesus on another of my three apps. He's 31 and we might meet to talk about art. I really want to meet other painters. Maybe put on a show at some point.
