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3:17 p.m. - 2003-11-08
Damn them! I'll paddle for Liechtenstein!
Friday 7th Nov

I�m in Sydney with Andre. He lives in the Blue Mountains with three other paddlers. We had a good time on the yacht on Monday/Tuesday on Lake Macquarie. Andre's friend Zac came with his girlfriend. They were only 19 too. They were surprised at how old I was. I'm an old woman! I'm past it! We went out on the lake on Monday night with Andre's Uncle and caught half a dozen fish with a net. This is highly illegal; if you get caught you can be fined up to $20,000. We caught Mullet and Brim. We took a BBQ out to the boat and cooked up a feast, it was really good, we had mullet, and red wine and bongs for breakfast too. I noticed that Andre had piled on a couple of kilos since I'd met him, so I reckon I should have too. We'd been eating take-aways everyday for a week and drinking lots of beer. Very self-indulgent. I need to slim down again, I feel better being just a couple of kilos lighter. Sometimes it�s difficult hanging out with Andre. We don�t have much in common really. Last night we got pissed and sat in his car rapping along to the Beastie Boys �Ill Communication� album:

"I�ve got the brand new doo-doo Guaranteed like yoo hoo I�m on like Dr John, yea Mr Zu Zu

It was almost a bonding moment and we were finally enjoying each other�s company. He�s been smoking lots of drugs in the last two weeks. He decided to rebel and smoke anyway because he sees the Freestyle side of it as a lifestyle rather than a competitive thing and everyone who partakes in it smokes anyway. He says he is going to protest and paddle for Liechtenstein instead. His Dad is Swiss and from there or something, so he has a passport for Liechtenstein and for Switzerland. He�s a lucky bastard. He was bought up on a commune and his Dad went to India and gave him the middle name of Raj! It's such a tiny country. It has a population of 30,000 in an area of only 160sq km.

He�d had an argument with his flatmates his decision. They didn�t believe he should jeopardise his career so young by protesting against drug tests. I told him that he should stand by what he believes in, and that integrity is one of the most important characteristics a person can have. He was impressed by my �wisdom� and wrote it down on a scrap of paper. I was touched, but also worried that he would be swayed by my rebellious stance. I advised him to think carefully and not to take whatever I said lightly. I don�t want any part in messing up his promising career. Besides, ganja is illegal so they have every right to test for it!

I�m waiting for him to get back from the Whitewater Raft Centre where he is teaching. I seem to be constantly waiting for that boy. I feel a bit awkward staying here; I have to pay $10 a night towards food and beer. Which is fair enough as they always have people staying. I�m also embarrassed about my young boyfriend. I hate him showing affection for me in front of his flatmates, even though they know. I really want to get to Melbourne. I�m flying out on Tuesday. I�m waiting to hear about a lift through Steve Squires. He has a friend who is a trucker who is supposed to be coming to Sydney. I�m feeling a little apprehensive about the next few days of travelling. I�ve got a lot to sort out. I really hope I meet a cute guy to travel with, it�s so much easier, and it�s been nice being with Andre. Just receiving affection and having someone to sleep with. It can be a lonely life on the road! I have been silly though, I hope I�m not pregnant.

He�s still not back yet. I�ve got to get into the city. GOD! I need to take charge and take control of my life. I�m so reckless sometimes. I don�t know why. I�m definitely giving up weed when I get home. Meeting all these amazing talented, motivated people like the paddlers has made me realise I�ve let the last 8 years pass me by in a stony stony haze�. I never thought that smoking weed made me lazy. It�s so obvious, I get paranoid too, I think. I felt so focussed in Sydney when I gave up for two months. I could get so much done! These paddlers have such a cool lifestyle. They get to travel and work in beautiful parts of the world. They�re fit and have loads of friends. It�s a great lifestyle. I wish I could be part of something like that. Andre's only 19 and has won loads of competitions. He�s worked in Japan for God�s sake! AND he will probably go to Uganda next year.

Saturday 8th Nov

I�m in Sydney now, at Central Station waiting for Steve to call me. He was gonna ring his friend last night but got pissed up instead. This is the part I hate about travelling, the uncertainty and decision making. I could get a bus but that would cost me $100, at least.

If I think about the next week that�s ahead of me I feel overwhelmed. I should just take each hour as it comes and live in the �now�. I saw Brian last night; he came to stay at Andre's. We tried to play Italian Monopoly but we all got bored and gave up. Brian and another paddler were crashing on the lounge floor in the room adjacent to Andre's and he doesn�t have a door! So my last night with him wasn�t very passionate! He dropped me off at the station before work. I think I made him late. I left him �The Consolations of Philosophy� by Alain de Botton. There�s no harm in a bit of moulding of a young boy�s mind after all. I�d grown rather fond of him, considering he�s a selfish, lazy, humourless git! It�s his eyes though, with the tan he caught on the yacht, the blueness really stood out. Eyes: they always get me. Andre�s were just so sexy; they kill me! A man has just got to have enchanting peepers.

 

 

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