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4:05 p.m. - Tuesday, Dec. 18, 2018
Life is getting exciting
Well things just keep getting better (with the exception of Brexit), I had a fantastic weekend. I got a nice bunch of new friends to go out with and they are actually cool too. Into good music. They are all Mexican boys and a Swedish lad too. Met them through my mate Macbeth who I worked with before and will be working with again on my new job. I even had a little party at my flat on Friday before we went to a club. I was a bit dubious about this place because I was told it was a Reggaeton night and I hate reggaeton (or so I thought) but I was informed we were all going for educational reasons because it's such a huge scene here in Madrid (and worldwide). I was really tired but did a few small dabs before we left and got there at about 1am which was still too early, it was fairly quiet. The queue was eye popping, so many freaky outfits and LGBT youth. It was great to see people dressing up. Inside after it got going I was thrilled to hear the music I love to party and dance to being played. It was a mix of Hip Hop, dancehall, trap, RnB and reggaeton and some pop thrown in. I had a fucking ball. It felt like one of those crazy fun nights I used to have in Dalston years ago. Strutting my stuff with attitude. I was probably the oldest person there, I was almost fainting at the number of good looking young guys. I really have become a bit of a perv in my middle age. I forget how 'old' I am compared to this lot and have to remind myself they are not really an option. It was super charged sexually, lots of bumping and grinding. Fucking great to see all these beautiful expressive kids having a good time together. God knows we need it.
As I was taking my jumper off one of my earrings (the big slutty hoop earrings) got caught on it and flew off. I was looking everywhere for it, but it had just disappeared. After 5 minutes of searching I decided to give up but trust that it would somehow find it's way back to me (like an ex lover). An hour later I get a tap on the shoulder and this guy is pointing at his shirt where my errant earring is hanging off his button hole. I was so happy I hugged him. He said he'd found it on the floor and had spent the last hour looking for a girl wearing one earring. It wasn't until the end of the night when I was in the cloakroom queue I realised how romantic this was and Mac said I should marry this guy. So I kept an eye out for him and when I spotted him by the queue I ran over and asked if he had a girlfriend "tienes una novia?" He looked a bit confused and said no but he was sort of with a girl at the club. I said it's a shame because it's such a romantic story. I'm gonna use that story if I ever meet the love of my life on the internet. Little white lie... for the sake of a good story.
So this club is every Friday night about 10 minutes walk from my apartment. I would love to go every week but it doesn't finish until 6am and I will always stay until the end. If I go that frequently I will be exhausted and broke. Once a month at least.

Just before we left to go to the club I received a message from Daniel the 25 year old asking if I was in London. I told him not until after Christmas. I was wishing he was with me at the club, he would have loved it. He's such a sexy dancer. I really want him to visit, I went to bed fantasising about him. Sunday he posted a gorgeous photo of himself on Instagram and I sent him an approving message. We got talking and he told me he had met a girl he likes but it's going slow and they are just getting to know each other (dunno what that means for his Albanian fiance). We arranged to meet up when I get to London and have sex. That made me really happy. I want to have sex with him forever. Nothing more. He seems to find me really attractive still, so hopefully that will be an option for a long time to come. I've never enjoyed sex so much with someone I have so little in common with. I don't understand what this chemistry is. It's not purely physical because I don't fancy that Spanish guy Juan and his body is much better. Maybe it's his moodiness that turns me on. The strong silent type. Or the way he looks at me with his near black psychopath's eyes. Or
it's just that we are compatible. He doesn't lunge at me and suck the life and soul out of me with his mouth like Juan did. Yuck. haha. He's tender with me... Well chemistry can't be explained, it's just something our bodies respond to and some people are just sexy but I am very rarely attracted to anyone. When I'm with him it feels so good, exciting, safe and fun and also he's given me almost spiritual orgasms. Like nothing I've ever felt before. How much of this is in the head? I think a lot of it comes from not having much of a connection out of the bedroom so it becomes so powerful when we are intimate. We communicate very well sexually, but it's also affectionate and sensual. Maybe I do love him in a stupid unconditional way. Knowing that if he was my boyfriend I would probably be miserable and embarrassed by his immaturity. I just want to keep him secret. We're both very very quiet thoughtful types. Neither of us like to talk much. Maybe that's why we are drawn to each other. I wish we could fall in love and have sex all the time but he's just not suitable. 15 years age gap is ridiculous and I couldn't fall in love with the rest of him, this is just lust.



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