6:14 p.m. - 2003-08-11
headfuck
On Sunday night after the campout, I shared Nick's bed. I shouldn't have, but I was still feeling blissed out from Saturday night on the beach, and to be honest it was freezing in the communal area where I've been sleeping and I was desperate to keep warm . I didn't 'put out' for him and I haven't done so far. I guess I was pretty selfish, but I can't help it if I'm not into it as much as the other person involved. So now I've created tension, which I knew would happen. The dynamics of the house have totally changed and I'm getting paranoid and tetchy. I'm still sleeping with Nick but that's about it. I just pretend to pass out! On Friday he asked me "what's the go? Aren't you into me?"
I didn't know what to say, I was quite thrown by that. He thinks I�m a prick teaser, it�s just awful. I shouldn�t have been so weak and crossed that fine line between flirtation and consummation. Anticipation is so much more satisfying, but my curiosity always gets the better of me. And I was really cold... I wish I hadn't gone there now. I'm not having half as much fun with him now. I'm not interested or fascinated at all now. How fickle am I?
