11:28 a.m. - 2004-02-02
almost home
Everyone has post christmas/new year blues and me and Andy aren't talking anymore, he hasn't stopped talking about that bike and hasn't been anywhere offroad yet, it's spotless. Just drives up and down one straight road wearing this ridiculous helmet and body armour for a 3 minute journey to Ping Pong's and sits outside checking out who's admiring it. I wouldn't be surprised if he wanked over that thing; he hasn't had a shag for a while. Except in Chiang Mai when the whole gang went down for a couple of nights and he had some whores. He made out that one of them won't stop talking about him to his friend back there (yeah right) and he said to me and Craig and countless other people no doubt that -
"You won't see me for a few days, I've got a girl coming up to see me from Chiang Mai"
The next evening in Bebop I couldn't resist sitting down next to him and saying:
"So when's your whore - sorry, I mean girlfriend coming up ?"
He made up some bollocks about her phone not working and changed the subject. The next day I saw Craig and he asked what I'd been up to apart from upsetting Andy. Apparently he was fuming over my snide comment and wanted to hit me (!). He said he wouldn't have minded if one of his mates had said it. Why is it men can't take a joke from a woman? What a twat. He should know by now not to brag about things before they happen. Turns out the truth is, he wanted to pay her only 300 baht a day and she wasn't making a three-hour bus journey up here for that.
He has got the biggest ego problem. He wants everyone to love him. He was adopted (his excuse for anything he won't hold himself accountable for) but also an only child, so incredibly spoilt. He's 35 and acts like a 15 year old and bosses everyone around. It's too intense, I can't stand being near him. AND he thinks I want to sleep with him, even though I have told him a number of times that I don't fancy him.
Pai has no meaning for me now. I'll come back and it will be different and good again, but I feel quite lonely. Dave is hanging out with his best mate Craig who is really nice, and Jim is miserable coz he thinks Ping Pong is fed up with him which she is (he fancies her but they are best friends). Craig is with his Thai girlfriend and has moved in with her at Ping Pongs bar. Which is a shame coz I moved into the hut nextdoor to his, then he moved out on the same day. It's obvious there is something there, but now't will happen now. He's working at Ping Pongs too.
So now I'm desperate to come home. Thank god. I was dreading it, but I had a square of a Galaxy bar and a Sainsbury's Red label tea that Craig had brought over from England and now I wanna come home.
One positive thing from hanging around here for so long - Fumee, the Japanese guy who owns Mo*nkey M*agic saw my portfolio website and wants to do an exhibition with me. So I'll hopefully come back this year and paint.
I have about 2 weeks left and I kind of want to leave here, but I have little money to travel and it is cheap up here. If I get into financial difficulties then I know I have friends to help me out. I want to move huts too but I don't know where to go. I feel incredibly unmotivated. Amazingly, I think I might be slightly depressed. Crazy I know, I am in a beautiful part of the world, but I just feel alone again. It's getting really hot (38 degrees) during the day and very cold at night, about 10 degrees maybe. So I don't know what to do with myself. I'm bored.
At least I want to come home now, I have been trying to prepare myself. I'm almost looking forward to the crispy freezing air of home!
