1:07 p.m. - 2003-12-19
I woke up this morning looking like Alice Cooper
Too much mascara me thinks!
Last night was messy, it was Michael's (the Dutch giant) last night in Pai and we went out to M*onkey M*agic, a reggae bar.
James was there when we arrived. I think he is omnipresent . Will turned up too, but we didn't talk much. I sat at the bar to get away from James and got chatting to a bloke called Dave who lives here and works in a Jazz bar near my guest house. I'd never met him before but he seemed to know a lot about my relationship with James. He asked me if I was seeing the American guy. I told him that I wasn't now, and he preceded to tell me a few interesting things...
He told me James had come into E*dible J*azz that afternoon and told him he'd met a 25 year old English girl and we'd been travelling together, but one day he went to smell my hair and I pulled away and I told him I needed space and he said the same. He also told him he got drunk one night and couldn't get it up. Ew! I don't even want to admit to remembering that. I don't think we even did it, thank God. James had just met this guy. The weird thing is he must think we still have a future together because he told Dave we were both coming back to P*ai and buying land together!
I freaked out a bit, but I also laughed my arse off. The poor guy is messed up.
Luckily Michael set him straight and told him it was over, He reported back and said James was behaving like an adolescent, asking if I hated being around him etc. Michael said it wasn't personal, just that I didn't want to be with him and we just had to carry on as we were before we'd met. I really appreciated that. Sometimes I shirk away from dealing with situations head on.
After M*onkey M*agic I went with Will back to his to pick up some vodka and then onto a party. Nothing happened which I thought was weird, I found out at the end of the night that he is back with his Thai girlfriend. I felt a bit silly, because it was obvious I was hanging around for something, but I'm glad I know the score. That's one less thing to think about.
The party was OK. The usual lot sitting around the bonfire drunk. Michael and Owen hadn't turned up (nor James), so I popped back to Mike's treehouse round the corner and found a few of them partying. It was crazy. Owen was so drunk on Thai whisky, which is lethal. He was maniacal, screaming and shouting absolute nonsense about slitting himself and all this fucked up shit. I was so scared he was gonna fall out the tree. I had to hold onto him. We were about 30 - 40ft up (I can never estimate heights, mind). If he'd fallen he could have broken his bloody neck, and might have taken me with him. Those Irish, when they get drunk they just wanna fight and headbutt things. I ran back to get Will and he was already on his way over. He managed to calm him down, must be his experience as a youth worker, and we put him to bed.
After everyone went home it was just Mike and I left; we were standing there chatting when James came out of the shadows. He said he was going for a walk to get some air and that he'd done a couple of 'lines' earlier. I don't know where. I'm not sure whether to believe him. I think he was just checking up on me.
I'm being stalked!
Now I'm going to E*dible J*azz to gossip some more with Dave.... I'll probably find James there revealing more sordid details and fantasies about us.
