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5:19 p.m. - Thursday, Feb. 18, 2021 It's my parents Golden wedding anniversary on Saturday. I never know about that. I didn't know until my Mum told me, Growing up I just thought "That's their business" I never bought them a card! Is that awful?? I told Mum about him and she did her usual "how many guys have you been smitten with?" Really annoys me when she makes out I'm always falling in love. It's been 7 years since the last time and she didn't even know about him because he's married and I didn't want her to be upset with me. So really she's basing it on my ex James when I was 28. I'm 43 for Gawd's sake ! I've hardly got a track record for falling in love easily. OK I was quite keen on Vinny but it wasn't a mutual thing in the end. That doesn't count. Ok it's a bit later on now and I'm having a wobbly moment about G. He was being a bit of an arsehole earlier and I got the impression we aren't on the same page so now I am confused but I don't know if I am overthinking it and I'm paranoid because I'm vulnerable but if he was on the same page he would understand why I got a bit upset, But men and women are different... Although I think any reasonable person would understand that asking the question "why does it make you feel insecure that I'm looking at dating profiles?" whilst in the midst of being supposedly smitten with each other just doesn't hang right!!! I do feel like a bit of an idiot but at the same time I can get perspective on it. We had a connection... even if he can be an arsehole. Uff this all sounds like such a cliche. He's gotta be sociopath... Dunno if he will come tomorrow. Waiting for an answer. OK he said he will come if he feels better. He feels bad today. I think he's possibly withdrawing coz he said he's got problems with his business. Still confused but less worried. It's not all about me! Being semi locked down during a pandemic doesn't help. We had an insane connection. You can't fake that for three days. Surely? I hate love.I've been listening to Phil Collins all evening and it's strangely comforting. Reminds me of being a kid in the 80's. My safe space!
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