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10:26 p.m. - Tuesday, Feb. 16, 2021
Fell in love with an Italian boy
Shit, it's been so long since I wrote and I just had to get back on here and write this shit down. Obviously I've met someone, it's the main reason I feel compelled to write in here - that or just trying to get over low moments.

I just had the most amazing Valentine's day in my entire life. To be honest I've never been into it or celebrated it but I have to say falling in love on Valentine's Day is pretty special. His name is Giuseppe, he's Italian American by way of Venezuela, 34, tall, wear glasses, is a chef, can dance, is cute and sweet and doesn't like football and OMG he is so perfect for me. The perfect mix of sweet and sexy.

I saw him on Bumble and I just had a feeling about him from his profile photos. Something ironic and goofy, he looked like he wasn't taking it too seriously (turns out he was). He had a link to his Instagram and i saw that he was into cooking big time and thought himself a bit of a comedian. He was a bit of a character. So I sent him a message and he replied immediately. Chatted a bit and he said he wanted to meet me, I didn't believe it would happen because I wanted to so much. I started to fantasise about what meeting him would be like. We met after two weeks of talking online and we went on our first date on Sunday last week. We met at Atocha and he brought me a bag of cookies he'd made and I gave him some potato and courgette fritters. haha. He took my arm and we went to find vermouth and he said he liked my hair and we swapped glasses and found out we have a similar prescription. He also found out my real age. 42, soon to be 43. Which he didn't care about.

We walked to a very sweet bar near my flat and had some amazing La Virgen IPA's and he took my hand at one point and it felt really nice. He came back to mine and we just started kissing pretty much straight away and it was amazing. The best kiss I've ever had (apart from with the first one with married man). He said "Finally! someone who knows how to kiss!"

we got drunk on red wine, which I spilt on the bed and subsequently poured salt over, which made me wonder what those crumbs in the bed were the next day. Then we had sex and my period started. So it was quite a mess.
He didn't leave until the next afternoon.

So a great first date but the second date on Valentine's Day blew that one out the water, so much so I struggle to recount the first date.
After a week of love bombing after that first date I was feeling quite anxious and overwhelmed and at times - angry. I got suspicious and my guard went up. I thought - he's a narcissist, a psycho, something ain't right. I told him to stop doing it and he did! So I was starting to relax a bit. But every article I read on the internet about love bombing was incredibly negative. All saying - if someone does this run a mile!

It made me realise how toxic it is online. It's just people's opinions. Those people are saying that under no circumstances could someone be sincere when they are love bombing. Which isn't true because I've felt intense feelings for someone after one meeting and I can get really carried away.

Then Cesar came round on Thursday to pick up come lamps I had made for him and I knew sex was on the cards. I felt bad but I had only been on one date with Giuseppe and he could just be love bombing me. So Cesar came and gave me a massage and an orgasm and €80 for the lamps. After he left I got straight on the phone to G. The two guys are really the opposite of each other in every way. Cesar is a sensible nerd and Giuseppe isn't. Giuseppe is passionate and Cesar doesn't show his emotions. Giuseppe cooks and ran a couple of restaurants and Cesar get frozen ready meals delivered to his door. Giuseppe is silly and Cesar isn't. Cesar is mature and Giuseppe isn't so much. Giuseppe has a bigger dick... Giuseppe is generous and Cesar is tight with money... Giuseppe has amazing thick hair he wears in a mad quiff and Cesar's hair is thinning. Cesar is hairy (normal amount) and Giuseppe shaves his chest, balls and ARMPITS. He was more shaved than I was, which he noticed...

So onto Valentine's Day and we meet even though he has a cold sore poor thing. He's devastated about the timing. I certainly don't want herpes but I do want to see him anyway. We meet on the street and he's brought me flowers - hortensias 'because roses are too cliche'. I said "why?" because I don't celebrate Valentine's Day and I relish in being a cynical cow. I didn't really appreciate the gesture until he told me he'd queued for an hour to purchase them. I'm really not used to this level of expression.

We wandered around looking for food and just had a beer in the indoor food market Mercado de San Ildelfonso. That's when he took his mask off and I saw the cold sore on his lip that I had forgotten all about. I politely didn't look at it and stared into his eyes. It was a little bit awkward and I thought we wouldn't have anything to talk about and he showed me some bags he wanted to import from China and I thought. "hmmm. not sure about this.." Anyway we gave up on looking for food and I suggested we defrost my chili and get drunk at home. We had such an amazing night. We ate cannabis oil and drank tequila and tonic (my new favourite drink) and that's when I discovered he could dance. Jesus Christ. I finally found my man. He is the sexiest dancer and we are so in sync. It was so much fun. we were just being so silly. I felt so comfortable with him. Then we decided to watch a movie together and I put on Pee Wee's Big Adventure, which he'd seen years ago and laughed at all the right places. So after passing the Pee Wee test I was putty in his hands.

The fact that he had a cold sore was actually a blessing in disguise. We couldn't kiss so we had to dance and talk and just stare into each other's eyes. We so obviously fell for each other we talked about how we felt and it was so incredible and magical. I could happily just do nothing with him and have so much fun. He says all the right things and he's too good to be true. So let's see... he seems so sincere and so sweet and open. He's irresistible. He's only just left a few hours ago after two days in my bed. Now Sol is moving back to Pedro's I can see myself just moving G in. Which is crazy. I'd charge him rent of course. He lives quite far away so if he does come here he gonna tend to stay a while anyway. He's so generous, he cooked me breakfast today and yesterday and then cleaned out my spice cupboard and organised it! He's my dream guy. I didn't ask him to! It's unreal. I'm losing all perspective here during this pandemic possibly... I also feel like everything is getting so intense and unpredictable we can just bloody go for it.

So it sounds like I've met the perfect guy for me? Well reader, unfortunately there's always a catch... he's a Trump supporter! Fuck it, I don't care. That's why I thought he must be trying to manipulate me, he must be a narcissist. Well he's certainly vain. Italian's are a walking cliche... Well I'm tired and I should go to sleep. I am so gonna get my heart broken....haha



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