4:06 p.m. - Friday, Dec. 27, 2019
Bored
I'm so bored. I never used to get bored. My days are passing by so slowly. Some evenings I go to bed at 8pm for lack of anything else to do. I'm very lonely here.
Christmas Day was nice though. I went to a friend's for lunch. She's English so it was proper traditional. I ate some bird. It was organic though and really tasty. Then I went to my old house and sat by the fire smoking and drinking.
Now I'm sat in Retiro Park. I had to get out of the house and get some vitamin D. It's been really warm and sunny the last few days. I think I'm bored of Madrid. I can't stay here. I'm never going to make a lot of friends. It's hard being an outsider and family is such a big deal here. I'm kinda in the wrong city. It's too conservative and old fashioned too.
I'm basically just waiting to go to Chicago. I'm pinning my hopes on it going well and if it doesn't that's going to be tough. Part of me is thinking I could move there. I need to settle somewhere and I can't settle here and I don't want to go back to the UK. I'm rootless, lost and lonely. No wonder I'm falling for V. I really like him. He really likes me.
I've got to be realistic. None of my relationships last more than a few months. Why would this be any different? But it always feels different doesn't it? And you have to have hope. Otherwise you wouldn't carry on.
