4:57 p.m. - Sunday, Jun. 23, 2019
I went to Barcelona
Things have moved on. Vinnie and I are no longer in touch. He told me he'd met someone but he was pretty blase about it and he was also sending me lots of texts which I thought was a bit strange. Then we didn't text for a week and I wasn't bothered. I completely accept that he has met someone, but I thought we could still be friends. I sent him a link to a movie I had enjoyed and he responded saying that this wasn't working for him anymore and he had other stuff going on in his life. I just said "?" and he said "we need to part ways" I said "what?I thought we had. Wow" then he tried calling me which I missed and when I messaged him back asking what he was calling for I realised he had quit Whatsapp. bit extreme. So rude! But probs for the best. I'm still going to Chicago though. Maybe I'll call him. Work has been a bit of a roller coaster. I was wishing the time away before (we finish the film in October) but now they have agreed to pay us overtime I'm much more enthusiastic and I now realise how special this film is. There is a real buzz developing around it. I am a very lucky girl to be onboard. I want to do well. I did get pissed off when a friend showed me a document on the network for the whole company to access that lists everyone in our department and their skills and a write up by the supervisor. He wrote that I am 'slow at learning' and 'needs supervision from production and supervisors' which is simply not true and defamation of character. I don't know what to do, I think should go to HR and ask them to get it removed. It could be read by someone in the company that would then think twice about recommending me for future positions. This is sensitive information and should be confidential.
There's a Spanish guy at work who I have grown quite fond of... he's rather taken with me. I enjoy his company and he's a very kind, nice affectionate person. Very physical. It's so unusual to come across people like that, especially these days with the #metoo movement. It's obvious he's not touching people in a sexual way because he grabs everyone, men too. I have to say I like it. It's more parental and sweet which I think I miss especially being far from my friends and family.I need some physical contact. I dunno, I like him but I don't want to lead him on because I know what I'm like. I can't get involved and he's a really nice person that I could probably hurt. I really lack confidence in my own ability to have a relationship. He drove me and a friend to Barcelona a few weekends ago. He was going anyway to see a friend and we joined him to get a cheap ride. I wanted to go to Razzmatazz nightclub after a great night I had there a month ago with a friend from the UK. He was touring with a band doing a gig there and it was such an amazing night. I met so many nice people, some guy from Singapore gave me half a pill and it was great. I met a really gorgeous funny guy also from the UK who was with the 90's rave duo who's name escapes me right now... but living in Berlin who I instantly clicked with. He runs a record label and invited me to his next party in Berlin, which I might go to. Unfortunately he's married. Shame!
I connected with another guy on Bumble dating app last night. we were chatting about Terence McKenna and psychedelics and we agreed we would meet up at some point and he asked me if I had an issue with short guys (he states he's 5'6" - three inches shorter than me). Interesting question. Of course I said no and that shorter men have better personalities. It's actually hard to answer because I really liked Vinnie and he's really short but obviously I would prefer it if I guy I liked was taller. But then they wouldn't be them. I don't think it would be the reason I didn't fancy someone. But I have to say, one of the things I like about the guy at work is his height! He's tall and it's actually sexy. I haven't been with a tall guy for ages. So haha, yeah maybe height IS an issue. I'm not going onto Bumble to find sex anyway, I just want to meet some interesting people and if there is sexual attraction then that's a bonus.
