11:30 p.m. - Thursday, Apr. 18, 2019
soulmate
It's almost 5 years since I met married man at work. I'm fine now. I can live without him and it doesn't hurt but as I said before when I do allow myself to think about us I do cry. However, I know I am so lucky to have experienced that. Nothing lasts forever. I'm in a much better place now. Reading some old diary entries reminded me how unhappy I was just two years ago. I was nothing. Everything was so hard but now I feel so much stronger and have a strong sense of who I am. I am alone but not lonely. I'm sure loneliness will come and rear it's ugly head again at some point but I am content and hopeful for the future. I still love that man but could I really be with him? He's a comfortable person to be with. I could be happy with him later in life but he's not dynamic, he wouldn't challenge me or help me grow . We're too similar. I needed to not be with him in this stage of my life.
Being with your soul mate just makes sense. The minute you set eyes on them, you know and the universe focused its energy on what you have, leaving you in no doubt that something different is happening. When you find this person, you just know. It's an instant feeling of connection and security. This person fits so perfectly into your life, it's as if he or she had somehow been in it all along. This is someone you can't imagine being without during the relationship — a person who has the ability to love you or break you. A person who will do both, as much as the other. It's a love so pure and so strong, it consumes you; a perpetual state of calming assurance that everything will be all right. For once, life makes sense and that can sometimes be hard for both family and friends, let alone for us. Everything changes, in the blink of an eye. For some, this person will be a lifelong partner, but for others, it simply cannot be. Not all of us are meant to be with our soul mates because, sometimes, it just isn't the right aligning in this life time and we still have lessons to be learnt. Letting go of a soul mate is among the hardest things you’ll ever do. After all, letting go means you’re willingly ignoring someone who brings you incomparable happiness. This person is a best friend and partner, who, up until the breaking point, knew you better than anyone you've ever known, or will know. Someone who knew your darkest secrets and and with whom you could be yourself with. By letting go, you're also willingly accepting defeat, and with that, comes the crushing thought of having to start all over again. Though it may seem difficult to believe, the realization that it must end and actually ending it will be easy; it's forgetting that is the hardest part. Even years afterwards. Forgetting routines and moments is hard. Forgetting how to get through a day without involving this person is hard. Forcing yourself to remember that the other person has his or her life and you have yours and that the two can continue existing without each other is hard. From this point on, your lives will run parallel, but will no longer collide. Accepting that isn’t easy. This is the hardest part because, despite this realization and despite ending it, the love still remains in your heart.
It leaves you wondering, “Where does the love that you've built go when the relationship is over?”
Despite what you may believe, losing a soul mate will actually awaken your soul.
