8:16 p.m. - Saturday, Feb. 16, 2019
Loneliness loneliness when will you leave me?
I think I want rescuing. I’m such a contradiction. I love my independence and I hate becoming co dependent on someone but I would love someone to come into my life and make things a bit brighter and easier. Some support, just someone to talk to. I spoke to my friend Sarah last night who I was supposed to be going out with and told her I was down. She was great, we ended up having a good laugh. I have these constant aches and a headache from all the sadness. I am so tired too. I just wanna sleep. I know I have to forget about Vinnie but it hurts when you feel like you made a friend and then they seem to drop you. I am being crazy probably, my perspective is warped. I really wanna go visit him in September and Montreal too. Getting anxious about Brexit and job situation. I really might have to relocate again. It’s just gonna be too much on my own. Hopefully some friends will still be there. I know a really cute Argentinian there who I worked with in Copenhagen. We got on well... so I have options, maybe. Christ I sound deluded. I really want to fall in love. Realised this morning that I can’t even remember the last time I was in the kind of loving relationship where you just cuddle and spoon and be generally affectionate. More than 6 years? That’s mental. No wonder I am so unhappy and desperate for some connection. That’s why I miss vinnie so much. The potential of what could have been means I don’t have any closure. My age is also pressing. 41 soon and I am losing my appeal. Running out of time to nail some poor fucker down!
