5:12 p.m. - Sunday, Nov. 18, 2018
lonely?
Typically after proclaiming my enthusiasm for my single life to my hairdresser on Thursday I feel quite lonely now. I think it's because I have no one on the horizon, not even the 25 year old. He has stopped messaging me and he said he doesn't think he would be able to visit until next Spring if at all. My option of trying to get something going long distance with my old friend isn't viable either. There just isn't the spark. I tried on messenger and it just ebbed away. I spend far too much time glued to social media and news and I think it's because I am lonely, Some days I don't speak to anyone at all, I don't even leave the flat. I probably need someone special to keep me balanced. It's just so hard to meet people in my current situation and I don't want the possible drama of letting someone needy and crazy into my life when I want to get personal projects done.
I'm OK though really, I am on my period and feeling a bit moody coz I still haven't heard back on the job interview I had on Monday. Thought they wanted me to start next week. I really need to get busy soon. My friend got a job offer at another company I applied to. If she takes it she will have to move temporarily from London and live with me. That makes me feel a bit anxious because she is quite neurotic and if I get a job there too then we will be together 24/7. However, the rent money would be great and with my future looking so uncertain with Brexit I need to at least get some financial security. I have the feeling I am going to be celibate for a while now. Especially if I get a flatmate. I can get a hotel room with the 25 year old near Christmas at least.
Haven't spoken to my sister for ages. I gave her a missed call yesterday but she hasn't called back yet. Feels like everything is fading away. I miss my old life in London sometimes. It's my home. But I know it's not how I remember it anymore. I just want everyone to move to Madrid. I might have to stay here another 2 years to gain permanent status or whatever it is. I hate Brexit. So wrong. If all the VFX jobs leave the UK then I really will be fucked. Unless they come to Madrid, which I doubt. Then again, I've been saying for years how I need to get out of this industry. Maybe this is the push I need. One of my many skills is to make the best of a bad situation. After the 2008 crash I embarked on this film career mainly because I knew that however bad the economy gets films will always be made. I did better than ever in the last 10 years but ultimately it's not a career for the long term. It's for young people.
Got my poor crippled friend coming over for dinner. She fell off a horse and broke her leg in three places. She's basically my only friend that I truly enjoy spending time with. She's funny. Irish girl. Not sure if she's bringing her bloke. Sort of hope not. He's alright, I like him but he does dominate the conversation a bit and says lots of inappropriate shit. Not that I'm offended. The other say I was round at their place and he commented on my gold hoop earrings saying they were like slut's earrings and apparently all the easy girls wear them in the nightclubs and the guys reckon the bigger they are the easier the lay. OMG hahaha. I have no problem with that. Next pair are gonna be twice the size.
