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11:31 p.m. - Friday, Jul. 06, 2018
Out of my depth
Being an adult is so hard. Had my first week on new job and i am completely exhausted. I’ve been so stressed. I feel out of my depth. I just feel like quitting. I know it’s the best way to learn fast but I think I have finally reached the end of the road. I don’t feel like I know what I’m doing and I’m going to get found out, I know everyone thinks I am exaggerating when I say that but I really don’t know what I’m doing but somehow I manage to just figure it out on the job. Which is very very stressful. I dream of the day that this job becomes second nature to me but I don’t think it ever will. It’s just getting really technical now and unltimately I’m not even that interested. There are so many young people coming up through the ranks and I imagine that they know it all because they practically grew up inside of a computer. It’s time for a career change. This industry chews up you up and spits you out.
I need to turn this anxiety into a positive emotion. If I can see this as a challenge and an opportunity to grow and try and enjoy it then I might be OK. I convinced myself that I am going to get fired before the end of my probationary period though. Waaaah!

Why couldn’t I have just married well and become a Mum and a housewife?? Anything is preferable to this stress. Spose it will get easier, although I am terrified of what work will get thrown at me.

Going to spend the weekend watching tutorials. Crash course!

 

 

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