11:09 p.m. - Friday, Sept. 09, 2016
Waists
I have just seen on Facebook that someone I know (not very well) has stage three colon cancer and is now having to leave behind her idyllic life in Thailand to return to the US for treatment. I have been very lucky not to know anyone close to me to have cancer. I know as time goes by this will change and one day it could even be me. This is a reminder to appreciate every moment that I have my health and those around me healthy too. I was just thinking I should start going to the gym. I have never been one for exercise but it needs to be done and I want to look after myself more now and make the most of my abilities to be stronger and fitter. I also want the figure of Raquel Welch but I just don't think I could get my waist that tiny. I think women from that era generally had smaller waists... I'm slim but my waist is never gonna be 25 inches, I would have to starve myself and exercise everyday. Exercise is for the rich, I just don't have time to sculpt the perfect body. The Boy is trying to but he is just a boring gym bunny now. He is coming over for brunch tomorrow. If he wants to hang out for the rest of the day I will try and find the right moment to ask him why we never have sex. I need to know if he never wants to again so I can consider my next move. I refuse to use Tinder, I am quite old fashioned really, but I am not gonna go trawling Madrid's bars either. It's such a drag finding a f**k buddy. I just leave it to chance, which yields low returns. I just can't deal with someone falling for me because I don't think I have it in me to love anyone back for a while. You never know though, these things always happen randomly, one minute you are really happy single then boom, you are connecting madly with someone and life is never the same again. Perhaps that is why I'm not out there meeting people, as long as I stay at home I am safe, nothing will change. Except me, I will read and learn and reflect and come out of here a 'better' version.
Have to write about holiday too, but now I am tired and I want to start reading my first book in Spanish. I pulled a collection of Isaac Asimov short stories off the shelf as that's the most accessible book I could find. It's all philosophy books up here. If that proves too tricky then there is a biography on Fidel Castro too. Can't believe he's still going, my friend Beth and I thought he was about to shuffle off when we were in Havana 9 years ago. We were very disappointed not to experience that mass hysteria.
And another thing, l just wanna say that I love this place. This land of diaries, it feels like a secret forgotten corner of the internet where human emotions can fully express themselves uncensored. I don't even get upset if l read anything nasty or derogatory towards, well any number of demographic groups or individuals, l am just glad I can read what different people really think. It's interesting and real. Most of the time people seem like good souls just getting on with the hard grind of life and it's good to see the humanity, especially these days when we barely speak to one another in person and become more isolated. It's very sad but this place gives me hope that there are plenty of thoughtful intelligent people out there. Writing this diary has made me feel like I exist when I felt like I was disappearing and it's true that writing changes you. .
Hey, l just realised I can use an l (for lima) in place of a capital i. Jesus, sometimes I am so slow on the uptake. For almost a year l have been typing on ths ipad and getting frustrated that l have to press the shift key for 'l' God am l stupid or wot?
