1:41 a.m. - Wednesday, Jun. 29, 2016
Stuck
I am stuck. "Stuck stuck stuck!" As Tracey Emin once said to Billy Childish. I feel like a caged animal in this job. Like a depressed bear in a zoo. Every day feels like two. I dunno what my next move is but I am despairing. I saw a job in Antwerp today. I think that would be a great place to live. I am probably better suited to Northern Europe. I need a cool city. I want to work in as many places in Europe as I can before we Brexit (if it happens and I don't truly believe we will). I need to find my preferred spot and settle down and find a husband. Never thought I would get married but this scenario I find myself in has made me determined to get EU citizenship guaranteed for as long as possible. My livelihood depends on it.
The boy at work says he knows the supervisor at this Antwerp based company, he'd better not be lying. He is so full of shit 90% of the time. If true I could have a good chance to get in. Would be an August start though. Meaning I would miss the horrible heat here but it's very very soon and mentally could I cope with another move? Anything to get out of this joke of a company.
Having another tough day. It's like I am just treading water and I should be doing something better suited to me, but what? How many people know themselves well enough to choose the right career? I hate thinking that I could be so much more successful and happier doing something else but I may never find out what that is. I could have been really good at this film work but I just never get a break. It's so so frustrating. Like someone us trying to tell me not to do it.
