9:17 p.m. - Wednesday, Jun. 15, 2016
Starting to paint again
I'm in an unlikely good mood right now... I shouldn't be coz work was the usual waste of time and I had to walk halfway home in the rain wearing clothes for a Spanish summer, but I have decided to be happier and active. My depression stops me doing what I enjoy but it's a vicious circle. When I don't paint I lose my sense of purpose and take everything else too seriously. I lose perspective and my outlook gets distorted and negative. I now realise I have to make work otherwise I will hate myself even more. Hate myself for returning from Spain having gained no experience in my job and not being able to speak the language. I'm not really enjoying myself here either so what's the point? The point is to utilise this lonely time of despair and channel it into my art. I don't think that I will be creating anything dark and disturbing, probably just get some good therapeutic colours on th canvas. Let's see. I start tonight. It helps that my usual source of distraction - the iMac is out of action. Could be a real blessing. See, I can look on the bright side occasionally.
I had to cut the cat's claws. I was really chatting away to him coz he didn't like it too much. Normally he's very placid but tonight he was almost growling. Strange though, when I finished he didn't jump off my lap to escape he stayed right there purring and being soppy. He's being so affectionate lately. Maybe because now I am back at work he's lonely alll day too. I am getting so attached to him, I'll probably stay living in this house until he dies because I can't bear to leave him.
