8:02 p.m. - Thursday, Jun. 09, 2016
Buy a house and die
You know I might start unfollowing people on Facebook. All the people who bought a house and had kids. Not that I begrudge them but it's so dull. It also nags at me a little bit, they LOOK so happy and sorted and I sometimes think - am I going to regret not doing any of that? Of course I would like to own my own house, but a mortgage is just a big debt. It's not your house is it? And I hate being in debt. It can also become a prison. I know I think too deeply about stuff but I like to try and foresee any problems down the line and I would hate to be in a situation I don't like that is hard to change. I may not be gender fluid but I am fluid. To make things so permanent scares me, probably because I still don't know what I want. Well, I do to a point but I need money to do it (live alone, set up a business etc). I can't get my head around how many of my friends have bought places IN LONDON. They are also managing to afford kids and none of them have particularly fancy jobs. Not bad but no city workers or lawyers or anything. Standard middle class work. I peer at their photos of their homes and kids on Facebook and check out their furnishings. "Nice chaise long! Nice rug!" I know these things aren't cheap. I sound envious? Of course a little bit. More puzzled. What did I do wrong? Did I live my life so badly that at nearly 40 I am still £10k in debt? No hope of ever securing a mortgage. How do my peers do it? Have I been hanging out with secret trust fund kids? I suppose if you stay in London long enough the only people your age that remain are benefiting from that. I would do the same, not happily but I would be silly not to. I have held on in that rip off city by being savvy and a bit crooked at times and lucky. I don't have a rich family but I do have a nice rug.
