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10:25 p.m. - Thursday, May. 26, 2016
FB, Whatsapp and Gmail
I am tired of being enslaved by technology. I understand why I am constantly checking my FB, Whatsapp and Gmail... something is missing and I am looking for an answer. It's loneliness maybe and frustration. Being a single freelancer I feel like I am spending my life waiting. Waiting for a job offer, waiting to meet someone 'special.' Because we spend so much time online we expect to receive good news online. It's the same as when I was 16 and my boyfriend went to France without warning and I heard nothing from him for 6 months. Everyday I would go to the front door hoping to have received a postcard or a letter from him (I never did - he was in prison apparently). Now we can check our inboxes every minute of the day or night and even see when other people have checked theirs. What a waste of time. Technology makes us lonelier and isolated in real life and to counter that we crave online interaction. It's a horrible trap. I know rationally that the answers aren't in my phone, but I feel like a lab rat, eager for the next dopamine fix. When I am happier in real life I couldn't give a stuff about my online life. If I am with someone I want to be with I could happily toss my phone off a high cliff. When I am absorbed in my work it's the same. I have no need for this stuff, but when nothing is happening in your life you are pleading for something to happen in the digital world to relieve the pain. Unfortunately it all just makes you feel even worse about yourself and rather pathetic. I actually plan to get rid of lots of methods of communication when I have found someone to be with. I really hate it all, I resent it. However I do need it. I can't cut myself off anymore than I already have done.

 

 

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