5:44 p.m. - 2004-11-21
Quarter Life Crisis?
Now where am I? On the cusp of success or failure? I think this is a quarter life crisis, I hate to admit that these trite classifications made up by the media actually exist, but some mental and emotional shift has taken place within me. It's something to chat about and ponder over at least. It's time for decisions and plans and action. No more fucking around - OK, I can fuck around as long as I get some work done at the same time. Being 26 makes you sit up and consider where your life is going and then you realise maybe nowhere. Therefore reckless actions ensue. Best squeeze some immature behaviour in now before responsibilities and commitments encroach on my life (now that's a scary thought). No wonder I can't interact with work colleagues or find myself a suitable boyfriend. If I did then life would be far too cosy and comfortable - i.e. Something I'd have no reason to run away from.
My greatest fear is getting a job I enjoy that I wouldn't want to give up. I would become one of those girls I look down on. Obsessed with shopping, make up and buying aspirational magazines. 'Treating' myself to new clothes, boozy Friday nights and chocolate in the cupboard, my life becoming nothing but a thankless, endless merry-go-round of work, weekend binge drinking, buying into con after con and two-week holidays. TWO WEEKS!
I am well aware of the weak and lazy side of my mind. I'm easily sucked into and influenced by other people's ideas. That's the flipside of having an adaptable personality. It also makes me question who I am. I guess the real me is when I'm alone, but is that the same for everyone? So no one really knows anyone else?
