1:19 a.m. - Thursday, Feb. 22, 2018
Waiting for the post
Been watching the Oscar best film nominees this week. Call Me By Your Name was good. Very beautiful and languid summer of gay love film and Armie Hammer is pretty hot and reminded me of Bastian, who the psycho off Pof thinks I am in love with. I think I haven't really gone into depth about what happened with him (the psycho) but I can never be bothered to go over it. It was emotionally draining. I will soon, it's sort of important and interesting. Another bad choice of man.
Get Out was OK. It's not really Oscar worthy though, it's like a good B movie and Lady Bird is boring and twee. I think I am going to enjoy I, Tonya a lot more. That looks like rollicking fun.
I texted Daniel to ask if he has posted the letter yet. He did on Monday. So I should get it by Friday or Saturday. I am getting irritable from waiting. I am getting a big crush on my idea of him which is not good. I have to remember that when I was with him he seemed young. But he intrigues me and he is cute. Damn. I am gonna get it so bad. I keep looking at his photos like I am obsessed. That is a sure way to get obsessed though. He hasn't replied to my last text today. He asked me what I was doing this weekend and I said 'nothing planned what about you?'
If he is deliberately trying to seduce me or at least not put me off by being too responsive, it's working. I actually appreciate it. After psycho I want to chase someone a bit. I want someone to understand that we all need a little psychological manipulation to allow our feelings to grow. Or in other words, some space. Psycho didn't understand that and thought it was game playing. Seduction to him was wrong. For me it's smart, emotionally and I seek that in a man. As long as they genuinely like me. If we are allowed to yearn for each other then we will want more and appreciate it if we get it in the end. After all this I am going to want him so bad and I have missed that feeling. No fucker will let me have that experience apart from the married man. Oh God, this is going to hurt me so much. I can't help myself!
