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3:43 p.m. - Thursday, Apr. 13, 2017
with a small c
I should have been writing daily lately because it's so hard to catch up and include detail later and I have been going through some rather interesting profound changes over the last few weeks. It sounds crazy but I am either becoming a conservative or I always was and I didn't realise it. I am also even considering the possibility that I am not agnostic but I do believe in God. I am being pushed in this direction by the Social Justice Warriors and my brainwashed liberal peers. I am finally getting the courage to speak out for what I believe in, which is fundamentally the importance of free speech over political correctness. The people that spout all this tosh about causes they supposedly represent and believe in are actually a lot of the time not very nice people. "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions." I always felt slightly uncomfortable with my liberal friends and never fully part of the group and afraid to offend people with what I really thought. I even thought that I might be seen to be a racist because racism is an argument that is thrown around so much about complex problems, i.e, mass immigration. It's very confusing to know you are not racist but feel like some of the thoughts you have might be seen to be racist by the liberals, therefore you not only question yourself and start to think not "Am I racist?" but also "am I an evil person?" Just because I ask questions and ponder the implications of political strategy. I never believe politicians do things out f the kindness of their hearts, there is usually another story going on...
I had an argument on FB last week about HSBC bank introducing 'gender neutral' titles, 10 of them no less! I pretty much stated that I thought it was ridiculous and questioned HSBC's motives. The two people arguing against me didn't answer any of my questions and I found it impossible to have a proper debate with them as we were having a straw man argument and they were just waiting to pounce on me and call me out for being transphobic which is pretty stupid, weak and so easy to do. I asked one of them that, if they met me and I asked them to address me as Misc. "insert surname" would they not think that was stupid? The self righteous dude said: " I'd think it's unusual, certainly, especially as we don't use titles outside of very formal occasions at all these days. But I wouldn't presume I know enough about that person to judge their decision to call themselves that stupid."
Well, frankly, I don't believe for one second that he wouldn't judge me at all. That to me is proof that these people who bleat on about pointless battles and virtue signal have lost the ability to think for themselves, or at least lost the courage to state their true beliefs. Their thinking is so clouded by ideological rules that they just come across as irrational and stupid. I don't want to be one of those people and I cringe to think that I thought I was a left leaning liberal. Now I realise I am more right though as the radical leftists occupy centre stage, classic liberals become "right wing."
I have so much heavy reading to do. My friend introduced me to man of the moment Jordan Peterson of the University of Toronto at just the time I needed a voice to articulate the truths that I know in my heart. He's connecting so many dots and people are really responding to his fight for free speech in amazing ways. He had his research funding cut for the first time and his supporters raised a years worth of funding in 24 hours! I have to work through his reading list which is not going to be a laugh a minute. It includes The Gulag Archipeligo for one...
I don't want to be ignorant anymore. I realised I have so much to learn and I feel it's important to really know myself and my true beliefs, which I hope I can figure out through reading and listening to smart people. Maybe it's my age, I am gradually losing my youthful good looks and I need to improve myself on the inside and become an amazing interesting person. I must work hard, be confident and trust in God. Which sounds strange to write and I am not about to join the church or go weirdly religious. It's more that I see society going down the shitter in a lot of ways and I see now that Christian values have a lot going for them. Of course all religions have their problems but I would hate for there to be a world without churches. I really love going to church (when there isn't a service). I would rather live in a Christian society than a totalitarian communist one. I have always felt there was a higher presence, something that made me do good things and sacrifice pleasure for future gains and I suppose it's a power I believe in, like believing in Karma. Perhaps I have to seek out whether I believe in God or Karma. Life without believing in anything is pretty grim. When I make art I feel like I am connecting to this energy, so maybe that is God. Maybe I always believed in God but didn't know it. Because I don't know what God is, but I do feel it. I just read Brave New World whilst on holiday in Lanzarote (nice place, no advertising billboards!) and this passage struck me:

"They say that it is the fear of death and of what comes after death that makes men turn to religion as they advance in years. But my own experience has given me the conviction that, quite apart from any such terrors or imaginings, the religious sentiment tends to develop as we grow older; to develop because, as the passions grow calm, as the fancy and sensibilities are less excited and less excitable, our reason becomes less troubled in its working, less obscured by the images, desires and distractions, in which it used to be absorbed; whereupon God emerges as from behind a cloud; our soul feels, sees, turns towards the source of all light; turns naturally and inevitably; […] Yes, we inevitably turn to God; for this religious sentiment is of its nature so pure, so delightful to the soul that experiences it, that it makes up to us for all our other losses."

I am what is called a truth seeker and I believe truth is the highest value. it simplifies everything. I am on a major quest to discover the truth of myself and therefore I can be more myself, be happier in my skin and move forward successfully, meet like minded people and stop having those unnerving feelings that I am not acting out my truth and trying to fit in the wrong hole. I am feeling much stronger, more powerful and optimistic now I am on this path. I'll be a christian conservative by the end of the year!
Life is full of surprises. Never assume you know it all, you probably only know the half of it, i.e. one viewpoint. Until you really look into why you have those beliefs then you might possibly just be brainwashed. Unless you take the time to try to understand the political spectrum better, especially now it seems like it is shifting, and have an overview of history then you are just parroting someone else's views. Find your own voice and I think life will start to click into place, because you are on solid ground.



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